The "Real Thing"

You know what getting "real" with yourself means? It means making no one else responsible for you and your happiness. It means that you don't look to other people to make you whole or complete, and therefore, you don't blame them for their shortcomings. It also means accepting ourselves and not looking to people or compulsions to satisfy our emptiness.

Most of us are raised thinking that we must please other people to be accepted and, sadly, that often becomes the the basis for our self esteem. Our identity is linked to how other people value us, instead of how we value ourselves.

Want a prescription for divorce? Make your partner responsible for your happiness, which is usually accompanied by an implicit judgement on who they are, because only "good" people who do the right things are capable of making us happy and making us feel good about ourselves. Ever notice how when you cross over that imaginary line and want to "borrow" a sense of self from your partner, how powerless, empty and inadequate you feel? Or when you look towards your partner for "validation" of "affirmation," how let down you feel when he or she doesn't live up to your expectations?

Many of us run from how we feel. We don't want to feel our feelings. That is a breeding ground to develop compulsive behaviour. Sure, we all want to escape once and a while from the daily grind, but forgive me for sounding maudlin, but that is what recreation is for. Or, even meditation. The point is positive escape is beneficial and not destructive and can also be a way to helping you better deal with your feelings.

Feel your feelings. Gambling is a way of numbing them.