Gambling addiction presents many illusions. It may present itself as a form of excitement, comaraderie, escape, or the promises of monetary reward. Otherwise why would we be tricked into repeating over and over a behaviour with no end game and one that we despise?
When you attend Gambler's Anonymous (GA) you learn about the 12-step program (if you hang around long enough). You also hear about character defects, those weaknesses within us that lead us or make us susceptible to gamble.
Every human being growing up develops character to some degree or another, and much like physical development, our total character depends on how well we paid attention to developing specific traits. If you want to be a good swimmer, you have to develop arms, legs and lungs. If you leave any of these out, you will not succeed as a good swimmer.
Much like physical development, if your character development is incomplete, you will still be able to get along in life, just as you would if you were not a good swimmer. You don't have to be Michale Phelps or a saint to get along in life.
But sooner or later life will test you and the mettle of your character. You will come to the river and find out if you are strong enough to swim across.
When life test us, we either have the character to meet it head on or we shrink from it using excuses. We lie, cheat, blame, manipulate, impersonate, hide, feel sorry for ourselves, and do anything but take responsibility. And for me, gambling was the big escape from accepting that responsibility. Gambling and all its shape-shifting illusions was enough of a drug to allow me to duck from life's punches and hurts.
I can see that I conned my way through life not wanting to accept responsibility for myself and my gambling addiction was the perfect diversion to seeing this character defect.
I could find a fraternity of men and women gamblers who, like me, lived life on its fringes, getting by without ever confronting their character defects. Some still do, other crashed and burned and or now recovering and rebuilding their lives one strand of character at a time, one day at a time.
Just as I am.
