Given the choice of being bored or gambling what would you do? I know what I'd want to do, which is why my life is much less fulfilled than it should be. Because over the years, instead of honing my skills as a singer/songwriter/musician, I gambled. Instead of publishing my novel, I gambled. Instead of finding out what it takes to accept life on its terms, I gambled. Instead of sitting with the emptiness that we often find ourselves in, I gambled. Instead of accepting my limitations, I gambled.
In short gambling was my drug of choice. It is incredibly mood altering. Sometimes in the afterglow of having good sex, I would feel the same tingle down my spine as I did when I anticipated gambling.
Gambling is not a moral issue, any more than problem drinkers have a moral failing. If it was a moral failing, than does that mean all those people who drink "responsibly" have a stronger moral compass?
Life is messy, and I am not one of those who believe unless we feel empowered in life, we are failures. I belive the opposite. I believe we are all imperfect. And the faster we accept that, the more we are able to be at ease with ourselves and have compassion for others.
I have been indignant many times by others who have lied to me. But how many times have I lied because of my gambling? Am I a bad person? No. So that is how I use my imperfections to be compassionate to others and not take things personally. And it is how I am able to sit a little longer with myself when I am uncomfortable or anxious about something, rather than follow my urge to gamble.
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